CHANGING YOUR INNER VOICEFar to often we all get caught up in ourselves....We are always our own worst critic and create our self sabotage. Working on ourselves daily and learning what, and how we think is all an important part of growth. I hope this message will help anyone who is struggling to see and feel a little more free.
In Gratitude. Robert Sheridan 12 Steps to Silencing the Critical Inner Voice and Enjoying Life Each one of us has an inner critic. The inner critic is that voice that tells us what we can and can’t do, and what we should or should not do. It is actually a very powerful thing that controls our life and our behavior more than we know it. This voice never stops, it doesn’t have a switch off button and if it constantly tells you things that are bad for you, then you are going to be in that bad mood during most of your everyday activities. These private conversations with ourselves is something all of us have. And, they can either be a powerful motivational tool for surpassing obstacles in life or totally the opposite. If your inner voice keeps telling you things like “nobody will talk to me” or “I will embarrass myself” you probably won’t feel relaxed when you are attending parties or other social events and this will affect how people perceive you. Or, if you think things like “I’m not good enough for this job” during an interview, then you won’t be able to present yourself and your qualities, hence loosing that job opening. The thoughts you have deeply influence your behaviour and how you feel, meaning that if you have constant negative self-talk and you will put yourself in a bad place which can even lead you to being self-destructive. If you frequently tell yourself that you won’t succeed or that others are better than you, it may cause lower self-esteem, reduce your self-worth and distance you from overcoming your fears. Don’t feel down if you tend to over-criticize yourself, because you are not alone and many people do this as well. In fact, most people have negative self-reflections and experience doubt about themselves. Luckily, this doesn’t have to be this way and there are ways you can stop verbally abusing yourself on a daily basis. There are many proactive steps you can take in order to address your negative thoughts and create much better self-dialogue, so to say. By doing this, you will feel much happier and lead a more fulfilling life in general. Here are 12 steps you can take towards silencing your negative inner voice: Consider what advice you would give to a friend in a similar situation If a friend of yours shared concerns about similar problems revolving around self-doubt, you certainly wouldn’t say things like “You are worthless”, “You are incapable” or “Nobody likes you”. But, we are at the same time very quick in saying those same things to ourselves. But, for a friend, we are likely to offer encouragement, motivation and compassionate words such as “It’s not the end of the world, everybody makes mistakes” or “Don’t worry, things will get better, just let it pass”. You need to start treating yourself the same way you treat your friends and use the same words of encouragement for your life as well. Don’t obsess When you are having a bad day, in which you’ve made some mistakes, you may fall into temptation of replaying all of the bad events that occurred in your head. However, if you constantly remind yourself of those embarrassing things that you did or the wrong things you said, it will only make you feel even worse and make the problem even bigger. If you catch yourself ruminating without making solutions to fix the problem, don’t bother wasting time by telling yourself things like “Forget about that” or “Stop thinking about that”. The more you intentionally try to avoid thinking about a certain problem, the more you will focus on it. Rather than thinking about forgetting a problem, you should try and distract yourself with another activity. Whether you go for a run, take a walk, go to the gym or any other activity, this will help you silence your critical thoughts before they take a huge toll on you. Become aware of your own thoughts The longer we live, the more we are used to constantly hearing our own inner narrations, and this can lead to becoming oblivious to all of those messages we send to ourselves. It is very important that you pay attention to what you are thinking and what your inner voice is saying to you – just because you like to think something is true, doesn’t mean that it actually is. The thoughts we have are very often affected by emotions and, because of this, they are usually very biased, exaggerated and disproportionate. Examine all the facts Work hard on learning to notice when your essential thoughts are unreasonably negative. If you have thoughts like “I am never going to leave my regular job and start my own business” then the best approach here is to start examining all the evidence that support these kinds of claims. If you find it hard to do this, try writing down all of the facts. Try drawing a line all the way through the middle of the paper and, on one side, write all of the evidence that supports your thoughts, and on the other side, write down all the evidence that opposes. Once you have done that, you can compare the number of pros and cons and examine all of the facts less emotionally and more rationally. Think about how bad things would actually be if your thoughts were true Sometimes, we tend to imagine small issues leading to enormous catastrophes. However, in most cases, the worst case scenario isn’t as bad as we previously imagined. When, for example, you are thinking that you are going to embarrass yourself when you are leading a presentation, ask yourself this question: How bad would it actually be if you make mistakes? If you do embarrass yourself, how will people react and would that mistake end your career or would you be able to come back from it? If you remind yourself from time to time that you can push through tough problems or times, you will increase your confidence and rid your mind of heavy baggage that worrisome thoughts carry. Replace those negative critical thoughts with some real and accurate statements Once you have examined all the evidence concerning your most common negative thoughts, you will get a clearer and more objective picture about how true they are and if they are true at all. It is essential that you convert these overly pessimistic thoughts into those more rational and realistic statements. When you catch yourself having thoughts like “I can’t do anything right” replace those negative thoughts with more balanced and healthy ones that go like “Sometimes, I do things well and sometimes I don’t”. Every single time you get extreme negative thoughts, you should balance it out with more realistic, accurate and, what’s most important, more positive statements. Balance self-improvement with acceptance There is a huge difference when it comes to constantly telling yourself that you are not good enough and reminding yourself that you must work harder in order to become better. Accept who you are and your flaws as well, but have a positive outlook and try to improve everything you don’t like about yourself, rather than just letting things hang. Do both things at the same time, know your flaws and work on them. For example, accept the fact that you get anxious in certain situations, but at the same time, make concrete decisions to deal with the issues you have. Accepting your weaknesses with a realistic approach doesn’t mean that you will let them stay that way. The first step towards improving your bad sides is knowing what they are. Make thoughts with a purpose to counter your negative ones This is a very effective way to undermine all the bad things your inner voice is saying to you. When you find out what are the worst and most harmful things your inner voice is telling you, make the exact opposite statements and write them down on a piece of paper. For example, if you currently put yourself down with phrases like “I’m not good enough for this” then switch that phrase with a positive statement that goes like “I am the right person for this job”. This is a process, and it takes time to make these statements come out subconsciously rather than stating them with clear intent. Once you start using positive statements, you will replace the effect of the old ones with them, and you will have more confidence in yourself and your actions. Don’t compare yourself to other people It’s not uncommon that the root of all negativity we have is in our habit to compare ourselves with other people. If you compare yourself with other people’s career success, their dating life or any other aspect, you should stop right away. Why? Simply because everyone is different and because you don’t know what’s in those people’s head. Everyone has insecurities and doubts about themselves, but when you look at someone from the side, it seems easy for them, and this can have a de-motivational effect on your state of mind. Furthermore, we are not all born equal and maybe those people had a much easier path in life. You should always compare yourself with yourself! Each couple of months, you should look back on your achievements and improvements, when you see what you’ve accomplished objectively, it will have a positive effect on your confidence. Lower your expectations We all have some kind of plan or a vision of where we want to be in the future and what we want to achieve. This is not a bad thing, and we should all have dreams. However, bearing in mind those dreams at every single point in your life can have a bad influence. Looking at things on a macro level will not do you any good, because none of us are capable of making huge changes. Instead, you should focus on the micro activities you perform every day and think about how each of these activities are getting you closer to a certain goal you’ve set. By doing this, you will program your subconscious to focus on the things you are getting done, rather than those you haven’t still completed. Take pride in what you have achieved One of the best ways to be happy in life is to focus on the positives. Always remind yourself of the things you have done successfully, rather than focusing on the things you failed to do. The change comes from the inside, so when you are facing a new challenge, take something related to that, something you have previously done successfully and use it to encourage yourself to surpass new obstacles. If you have been able to successfully present yourself during an interview in the past, then remind yourself of that fact when applying for a better job position. However, this doesn’t mean you should neglect your failures and forget about them. This can lead to repeating mistakes rather than learning from them. Don’t obsess about your mistakes, but don’t forget about them either. Your inner dialogue has the ability to prevent you from succeeding or to empower you to maximize your potential. Your inner critic is a double-edged sword that can help you recognize areas where you can improve, but if it’s too harsh, it can reduce your performance and reduce your overall chances of succeeding. It is important to learn to control your inner voice while at the same time using its good sides so that you have a prosperous and happy life. |
AuthorMy name is Rob Sheridan ArchivesCategories |